Like many families, we have a Thanksgiving tradition of sharing what we are grateful for. It often comes with some eye rolling, but somehow it still ends up being meaningful. This year, though, it feels different. The world feels heavy. Adding to that, our family is navigating some health issues that are heartbreaking, to say the least.
So while one part of me wants to focus on gratitude, another part resists. I am simply not very grateful for several things right now.But what if gratitude didn’t require us to decide that everything is okay?
I am not looking for a silver lining. I don’t want to minimize the sadness and fear, and I don’t want to be grateful for painful experiences.
Sometimes, we are simply disappointed, and things feel unfair. Sometimes we’re tired, worried, grieving, frustrated, and wishing things could be different.
Does gratitude fit here?
What if gratitude didn’t have to replace these hard things, but could simply sit beside them?
From a parts perspective, our anxious part can still be anxious and our grieving part can still grieve. The angry part doesn’t need to “look on the bright side.” Maybe gratitude can exist alongside all of these parts, without asking any of them to feel differently.
During hard experiences, what remains steady, meaningful, comforting, beautiful, or worth noticing, even while things are difficult?
This makes room for the hard. It honors the hard. And it allows us to notice what else is here without asking the hard things to disappear.
Maybe this year, the Thanksgiving dinner table question could be, “What feels meaningful or worth noticing these days?
”There may still be some eye rolls. But there might also be a little more room for what’s real.
Heidi Kubin
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